The Introvert Diaries #7

In which we extoll the extroverts

Wrapping up

This will be the last entry in the introvert diaries. Seven is a nice number. A full week, metaphorically speaking. Almost as if I planned it. [insert audience gasp]

Quick recap:

• In entry#1, we looked at potential differences between introvert and extrovert brains and how that translates to motivation and mental energy.

• In entry #2, we revealed the extrovert ideal that has shaped our modern world and how that forces introverts to carve out their own little niche.

• In entry #3, we went back to school and explored the orchid metaphor for environmental resilience.

• In entry #4, we ventured into the dating world and its prejudice against introversion. Oh my…

• In entry #5, we got ourselves a job and learned about how introverts can be unexpectedly good leaders.

• In entry #6, we took care of our mental health and explored associations between introversion, depression, and sensory processing sensitivity.

For all these entries, there is a big caveat: introversion-extroversion is a spectrum along which a person can - to an extent - slide, and it’s only one aspect of the personality constellation, which is far from static.

With that in mind, for the final part of our journey, I want to extend a hand to all the extroverts out there. In some of the earlier entries, it might seem as if I suggest introverts have hidden superpowers. I wish. Introversion is not better or worse than extroversion; they’re simply different ways in which people recharge, find motivation, and prefer inward or outward-looking activities.

Extroverts have a lot going for them. They are more likely to initiate conversations, make new friends, and network with others, which can be helpful in both personal and professional settings. We all know someone like this, the social butterfly. Drop them in a room of strangers and within an hour they know everybody’s kids’ names, who has dealt with what sports injury, and they’re up-to-date with the office politics of at least half the people present. Since who you know is often more important than what you know, this is a golden ticket for extroverts.

In general, extroverts are also more likely to be resilient and able to bounce back from difficult situations. Introverts, after all, can get stuck in their own head sometimes. Extroverts are more likely to seek support from others and use social connections to help them through tough times. A rich and active social life can provide a sense of belonging and connection to others.

The extrovert ideal also implies that there are a few hurdles extroverts don’t have to deal with in different aspects of life. If you’re an extrovert reading this and think ‘nonsense’, that’s kind of the point. Maybe you haven’t noticed how school group projects are dominated by the loud kid who shouts over the quiet kid with a better idea (and guess who gets the best grades for ‘participation’?), or how ‘introvert’ is one of the worst things to put on your dating profile, or how you are more likely to get a raise and a promotion if you talk more, especially if you’re not saying anything useful?

Magical duos

When the right extrovert finds the right introvert, though, that’s when the magic happens. Jennifer Kahnweiler has written a whole book about it, aptly titled ‘The Genius of Opposites’. The main idea in the book is that introverts and extroverts can engage in profoundly successful partnerships.

Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak are a famous example. The former enjoyed the spotlight, the marketing, the building of a customer base, the latter preferred sitting quietly at his desk to build the best product possible. Or how about the contemplative, introverted Eleanor Roosevelt and her outgoing, charming husband Franklin Roosevelt, who together took the concept ‘power couple’ to a whole new level? Introvert John Lennon meets extrovert Paul McCartney and pop music has never been the same. Extrovert Sheryl Sandberg and introvert Mark Zuckerberg transformed a campus experiment into a big brother behemoth. Introvert Ralph David Abernathy and extrovert Martin Luther King Jr. revolutionized the civil rights movement. Extrovert Jack Ma and introvert Jonathan Lu turned Alibaba into one of the world’s largest online retailers. And so on.

Of course, this only works on a foundation of mutual respect and understanding. When one half of the duo tries to impose their personality and preferences on the other, everything crumbles. That lesson does not only apply to business partners, but to friends, family, and romantic relationships as well. Kahnweiler calls the key to introvert+extrovert success the ABCDEs. (Have you noticed how mnemonics are a great marketing tool?)

• Accept the alien: accept the introversion/extroversion of your partner, even if it seems alien to you.

• Bring on the battles: be critical of each other’s assumptions. Productive disagreement is a spark for creativity.

• Casting the character: know each other’s strengths and weaknesses and allocate tasks accordingly.

• Destroy the dislike: it may be difficult to understand some of your partner’s preferences or desires. Respect them regardless. (As long of course, as this does not impinge on your own preferences and desires.)

• Each can’t offer everything: sometimes your introvert/extrovert other half is better suited to deal with certain issues. Recognize that and help each other, even with things that may seem trivial to you.

Give the extroverts the floor, and the introverts the quiet place. Encourage each other to visit each other’s world from time to time, and you’ll both be richer for it.

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Next up…

This wraps up the introvert diaries. Compared to some of my other writing on Thinking Ahead, they’ve done pretty well, which makes me think that another recurrent series might be a good idea. As someone who is quite introverted and has an impressive case of impostor syndrome, my first instinct is to maul it over in my head and then decide it’s not going to work.

I could go the viral route and tell you about the ‘top 10 productivity hacks that will change your life’ or ‘the 3 supplements that will make you live forever’. That’s what gets all the clicks and subscribers these days. But the very thought makes me want to take a shower and wash off the ick.

Instead, the floor is open. I’m going to keep writing about random stuff, but would like to mix in a new series of posts. So, what should that be? A behind the (writing) scenes? Book/article recommendations? A specific topic in science, philosophy, or psychology? Some crazy speculative thing? I am listening.

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