If LoveTrack™️ and TrackRing™️ don’t make it into an episode of Black Mirror, I’m raging.
I love reading and writing about love, and this really scratches a lot of itches. Probably because at the end of the day, so much of *ongoing* attraction is intangible. It’s so hard to encompass with words. But we keep on trying to capture it anyway!
The love track thing reminds me of a story Lisa Feldman Barrett tells of a date she went on in college. The guy was fine, and she was having a mediocre time, but she also felt herself getting all flush and felt her heart beating quicker around him. So she thought, “oh, maybe I AM into this guy,” and started to get very excited about him on the way home. But when she got there, she collapsed with fever and body aches—she was coming down with the flu.
Her point was that we’re so practiced to misinterpreting data (especially emotional and physical data) that the meaning we make out of that data is very prone to error.
TrackRing™️ reminds me of a French TV drama called Osmosis. The basic premise is that two genius siblings create a high-tech implant designed to pair up soul mates and serve as a lifeline between the two, continually offering feedback into what the other is thinking and feeling. But the beta test obviously doesn't go off without a hitch.
Super love this post! Highly amused - probably due to too much time in the online dating world and your riveting and entertaining writing. Nailed it. Again 😁
I think fundamentally that it is a numbers game. Definitely relate to the “is that person too pretty / too clever / too exercisey or whatever” for me. The dating tool idea is ingenious.
I don't think we have very much control over that. Lol. I've been married 3 times, yeah I'm an idiot 🤣, to 3 very different looking men. I've learned that what really attracts me is intelligence, kindness, and a good sense of humor. At least for me, appearance isn't mission critical. If we have any control over that aspect, it seems pretty limited. I mean, you can't control how often you think about someone or how lonely you feel when they're not around🤔 It's definitely food for thought🧐
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We also have no control over who we're attracted to. That's chemistry. Hormones and pheromones actually decide who we're attracted to. You have no say in it. Love/lust is a form of madness.
I do wonder how much control we have about how much we do or don't prioritize sheer physical attraction, which is a bit of a different question. I'd like to think that hormones/pheromones light the fire, but that we have at least some control in whether or not we let it turn into a conflagration (but that's probably me trying to rationalize stuff ;)).
If LoveTrack™️ and TrackRing™️ don’t make it into an episode of Black Mirror, I’m raging.
I love reading and writing about love, and this really scratches a lot of itches. Probably because at the end of the day, so much of *ongoing* attraction is intangible. It’s so hard to encompass with words. But we keep on trying to capture it anyway!
Thanks, Amy! If any producer reading this wants to get in touch, DMs are open.
I guess that that intangibility is the root of a lot of human art, so let’s keep trying.
The love track thing reminds me of a story Lisa Feldman Barrett tells of a date she went on in college. The guy was fine, and she was having a mediocre time, but she also felt herself getting all flush and felt her heart beating quicker around him. So she thought, “oh, maybe I AM into this guy,” and started to get very excited about him on the way home. But when she got there, she collapsed with fever and body aches—she was coming down with the flu.
Her point was that we’re so practiced to misinterpreting data (especially emotional and physical data) that the meaning we make out of that data is very prone to error.
Maybe that's the reason for the 3-day rule. Is it love or is it the flu? :)
(Though I admit that feels uncharitable to love. It's such an anxiety-inducing and yet delightful mess sometimes.)
I learned about the 3-day rule too late… thus I think I’ve had several flu affairs. And yes, there were moments to that mess that were such a delight.
Flu affairs — hydrate, aspirin, and sleep it off. Makes sense.
Better stick to *butterflies* in your stomach instead of all that Diet Coke. ;)
True; those butterflies are harder to find, though... (Which, of course, makes them more worthwhile ;).)
TrackRing™️ reminds me of a French TV drama called Osmosis. The basic premise is that two genius siblings create a high-tech implant designed to pair up soul mates and serve as a lifeline between the two, continually offering feedback into what the other is thinking and feeling. But the beta test obviously doesn't go off without a hitch.
Ooh, I’ll have to check that out before some startup builds it.
Gotta beat 'em to the punch! 😉
Super love this post! Highly amused - probably due to too much time in the online dating world and your riveting and entertaining writing. Nailed it. Again 😁
Thanks so much, Tory.
Yeah, online dating can feel like a metric-obsessed game more than anything else sometimes, doesn’t it?
I think fundamentally that it is a numbers game. Definitely relate to the “is that person too pretty / too clever / too exercisey or whatever” for me. The dating tool idea is ingenious.
I don't think we have very much control over that. Lol. I've been married 3 times, yeah I'm an idiot 🤣, to 3 very different looking men. I've learned that what really attracts me is intelligence, kindness, and a good sense of humor. At least for me, appearance isn't mission critical. If we have any control over that aspect, it seems pretty limited. I mean, you can't control how often you think about someone or how lonely you feel when they're not around🤔 It's definitely food for thought🧐
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We also have no control over who we're attracted to. That's chemistry. Hormones and pheromones actually decide who we're attracted to. You have no say in it. Love/lust is a form of madness.
I'm wholly on board with the madness.
I do wonder how much control we have about how much we do or don't prioritize sheer physical attraction, which is a bit of a different question. I'd like to think that hormones/pheromones light the fire, but that we have at least some control in whether or not we let it turn into a conflagration (but that's probably me trying to rationalize stuff ;)).