My gosh it's all so confusing. I think all we can honestly define a man as is a living breathing man. An individual. All the abstractions and demands really muddle things up. And my guess is that's why ignorance is a real problem.
The parasites are telling the host what to think, do, and desire. And many people just try to hang on for the ride. But who you are as a man has got to be what you are in a fundamental way. I have struggled much with the idea that women are supposed to be tough and aggressive now that they're "liberated." From nonsense? Apparently not. There is still a sweet harmony in existence and it's within us, past everyone else's conditioned edifices. The shadows of which obscure reason and healthy emotions.
> “Guess what happens when a young man, insecure and ready to take his first steps in the world, faces a deluge of contradictory rules and unattainable checkboxes? He looks for a strong voice that cuts through the noise. Say, someone who tells him with absolute certainty what a man is supposed to be. Someone who paints our young man as a hero in training, maidens waiting upon completion of his masculine quests. Preferably someone with either a veneer of intellectualism or flanked by fancy cars and half-naked women. Those guys, after all, seem to have it figured out. If anyone knows what masculinity is all about, surely it’s them?”
Beautiful, and thank you for putting this one out there.
There’s a section from Rilke’s Letter #7 that gets to this idea that in order for true and deep love to be possible, both (heterosexual, in this case) people have to shed their masks and gendered identities in order to basically individuate and become a full human being that then gets to love another full human being. To “build a shared life with its roots in this common ground and a canopy that eclipses masculinity and femininity,” so to speak. (Such a lovely line.)
And don’t get me started on what the term “emasculate” says about the performative and externally-controlled nature of masculinity! It’s one of my least favorite words.
I remember that letter, so I went back to it to refresh my memory. All of this:
"... one day that girl and woman will exist, whose name will no longer mean simply a contrast to what is masculine, but something for itself, something that will not make one think of any supplement or limit, but only of life and existence—the feminine human beings. This advance, at first very much against the will of man who has been overtaken will alter the experience of love, which is now full of error, will change it radically and form it into a relationship, no longer between man and woman, but between human being and human being."
(Also reminds me of our exchange on how much you want to know about a writer. Rilke never quite managed to settle into love.)
I mean, he kinda said it better than I did, I guess. 🙃 But yes, the concept and the lived reality can be quite different things… particularly in the case of love. Also, this idea of how much we care about who said the thing has been coming up so much lately—I might have to write about it.
I think society has a lot to answer for in terms of ‘ill communication’ (my people 😉) of gender norms on both sides. Embracing your definition of masculinity - I would love to see more of that in the world.
My gosh it's all so confusing. I think all we can honestly define a man as is a living breathing man. An individual. All the abstractions and demands really muddle things up. And my guess is that's why ignorance is a real problem.
The parasites are telling the host what to think, do, and desire. And many people just try to hang on for the ride. But who you are as a man has got to be what you are in a fundamental way. I have struggled much with the idea that women are supposed to be tough and aggressive now that they're "liberated." From nonsense? Apparently not. There is still a sweet harmony in existence and it's within us, past everyone else's conditioned edifices. The shadows of which obscure reason and healthy emotions.
> “Guess what happens when a young man, insecure and ready to take his first steps in the world, faces a deluge of contradictory rules and unattainable checkboxes? He looks for a strong voice that cuts through the noise. Say, someone who tells him with absolute certainty what a man is supposed to be. Someone who paints our young man as a hero in training, maidens waiting upon completion of his masculine quests. Preferably someone with either a veneer of intellectualism or flanked by fancy cars and half-naked women. Those guys, after all, seem to have it figured out. If anyone knows what masculinity is all about, surely it’s them?”
*We Have Always Lived in the Maze.*
Yet we need not surrender to the Minotaur(s) ;)
Thanks for reading!
Are *we* not the Minotaurs ourselves?
Don't give away the secret!
(Also, I'll probably need to bulk up a bit to be a good Minotaur.)
lmao (it's a process!)
This was a gorgeous read, Gunnar. Happy I got to start my day out with it.
Thanks, Amy! Now go seize that day.
Wow wow, "SEIZE" the day?! Such aggressive masculine language!!! You're cancelled, Gunnar!!!
I wanted to say ‘dominate’, but held back. See, see, I’m learning!
How about ‘own’? Should be fine.
Grow alongside? Move gently through?
Beautiful, and thank you for putting this one out there.
There’s a section from Rilke’s Letter #7 that gets to this idea that in order for true and deep love to be possible, both (heterosexual, in this case) people have to shed their masks and gendered identities in order to basically individuate and become a full human being that then gets to love another full human being. To “build a shared life with its roots in this common ground and a canopy that eclipses masculinity and femininity,” so to speak. (Such a lovely line.)
And don’t get me started on what the term “emasculate” says about the performative and externally-controlled nature of masculinity! It’s one of my least favorite words.
Thank you, Danielle.
I remember that letter, so I went back to it to refresh my memory. All of this:
"... one day that girl and woman will exist, whose name will no longer mean simply a contrast to what is masculine, but something for itself, something that will not make one think of any supplement or limit, but only of life and existence—the feminine human beings. This advance, at first very much against the will of man who has been overtaken will alter the experience of love, which is now full of error, will change it radically and form it into a relationship, no longer between man and woman, but between human being and human being."
(Also reminds me of our exchange on how much you want to know about a writer. Rilke never quite managed to settle into love.)
I mean, he kinda said it better than I did, I guess. 🙃 But yes, the concept and the lived reality can be quite different things… particularly in the case of love. Also, this idea of how much we care about who said the thing has been coming up so much lately—I might have to write about it.
Yes, please do!
I think society has a lot to answer for in terms of ‘ill communication’ (my people 😉) of gender norms on both sides. Embracing your definition of masculinity - I would love to see more of that in the world.
Thanks, Tory. Fingers crossed. (I can't believe someone got it that fast!)