Why We Need More Imperfect Selfies
Selfies have never been more popular, but they don't (always) show our true selves
The age of the selfie?
The selfie is not a modern phenomenon. Throughout history, artists have made self-portraits. However, smartphones with cameras and social media have combined into a flood of ‘look at me’ pictures.
Depending on where you get your data, roughly 4% of all photos taken daily are selfies. Doesn’t sound impressive, but that equates to around 92 million selfies per day. Women, on average, take more selfies than men, young people more than old people, and on most selfies, people smile.
That last part I find interesting. With the exception of those annoyingly happy people we all secretly want to be like, we don‘t spend most of our day smiling (perhaps we’re too busy trying to be productive…). And yet that’s what we post most often. Selfies seem to have a point.
Or three points.
Studies looking at selfie-personality links are not all that consistent. Dismissing selfie culture as narcissistic or self-absorbed is too easy, a cop-out. The reason for that much-needed nuance is that there can be different motivations for taking a selfie (which need not be mutually exclusive). Different people give these motivations different names, but the study I linked calls them:
Self-approval: the need to confirm to yourself that you are worthy and significant. Each like is validation, a self-confidence boost. Probably the number one selfie motivation?
Belonging: social media may have its downsides, but it has its upsides as well. Even if you don’t have a ‘tribe’ in real life, the bigger online world social media opens up might help you find one.
Documentation: selfies as a way to preserve memories and experiences. Photobook 2.0. (Although taking selfies might actually prevent us from fully immersing ourselves in the experience we want to preserve. Cue French existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre.)
Selfie self-promotion?
Whatever your opinion on them (let me know, comment below), selfies work. Alongside cat pictures, memes, and deliberately controversial statements, selfies attract engagement. Whether or not that engagement is genuine is an open question.
As a result, selfies are great for self-promotion. Sweaty gym selfies for people offering personal coaching, ‘deep in thought’ selfies for thought leaders (a term I deeply dislike), ‘look I’m presenting’ selfies for researchers, self-help gurus, etc. To selfie is to sell. (A fourth motivation?) And since video is taking over quickly on social media: a moving selfie sells more. Selfies can build a personal brand more effectively than most - but not all - other options.
I don’t mean this negatively. If you sell services, products, and so on, more eyes on you(r offering) is better.
This brings me to a problem. In my entire life, I've taken maybe two photos of myself (mostly because I needed one for an author bio). I don’t have anything to sell, except perhaps my writerly exploits. It’s not the primary reason I write, but no writer can deny that having your scribbles read is a good serotonin boost. (And my brain has some slight issues with that neurotransmitter, so thanks for reading!)
Of course, selfies are (probably?) not the way for me to get more eyes on what I write. I wonder what is, though. The idea of self-promotion often irks me. Yet it’s somewhat necessary to get people to click and read. Every social media resource for writers discusses what to post, how often to post, and which platforms to use. Include calls to action. Giveaways. Engage that audience! Get the likes, shares, comments, and subscriptions.
I can try to let the words speak for themselves; they’re quite capable of that. At the same time, they drown in an endless sea of digital noise. Readers keep them afloat.
The imperfect selfie
Enough navel-gazing. On to a final selfie reflection. Remember that most selfies are smiling people? Most selfies don’t show our true selves, they show who we’d like to be. Happy, handsome, successful. Preferably all three at the same time. These days there are plenty of Instagram/TikTok filters that can make you look exactly the way you want to (Google some examples, it’s crazy how ‘good’ those filters are). These filters wouldn’t be there if there wasn’t a demand for them.
The less desirable parts of ourselves? The days when things don’t go as we want? The frowns and the flabby stomach? We don’t tend to post those. We suffer in silence. Put on a brave face, don’t be a crybaby, and other toxic advice still permeates society and it perpetuates stigmas that should have been shattered a long time ago.
Many people think that social media is partly to blame for this. After all, don’t all those selfies create unrealistic expectations? Yes and no.
Yes, if we continue to only post smiling, filtered selfies. There’s nothing wrong with them, of course. Share your happiness! But don’t hide your suffering. Your flaws are the most interesting parts of you. A flawless sculpture only shows a lack of imagination.
No, I think social media (including selfies) can be a powerful tool for awareness. #MentalHealthAwareness, #NoFilter, #selfcare, Filter vs Reality, and other trends have provided welcome pushback against social pressures and stigmas that have caused too much insecurity and pain for too many people.
(Of course, positive trends can be hijacked for selfish gains. Trolls be trolling.)
Selfies don’t need to be perfect. Show me the unflattering angle and the bad lighting. Filtering away blemishes might make you feel better for a moment, but wearing (and sharing?) them with pride will last a lifetime.
Q: Do you take (a lot of) selfies? What’s your motivation to do so?